Hate is a strong word. But these are strong feelings.

"Life sucks and then you die." 

I've never doubted that this proverbial gem from my jaded father is true. But i've come to find that it is  particularly true if you decide to subject yourself to attending a neo-facist university.  

I HATE BYU.

{this picture is creepy. attending byu is even creepier.}
Why the recent onslaught of rage directed at the Lord's University?

Storytime: This semester I took a class, required for my major (well, actually added to the requirements during my hiatus... rage for another time) that is notoriously hellacious: Political Science 200. Its basically a super time intensive writing class (like a 10+ hour paper due each week), with some math/statistics thrown in for fun. It was craziness. But I worked my butt off and got an A. I was super happy and thought life couldn't get any better, then I recieved an email from the professor of the class offering me a position as a TA for next semester! I was ecstatic, this job would be perfect! I was so worried about how i'd find a job next semester to work around my two stupid classes that are on opposite days and times. This TA job would line up with my class schedule perfectly, allow me to teach a lab and get teaching experience, as well as get to know a professor in order to acquire those all too important letters of recommendation. On the last day of finals I had an hour long interview with the professor and formally accepted the job. A few days before Christmas he emailed me with the schedule for TA meetings and I realized my family Christmas vacation would conflict with the first meeting. I emailed him back within 15 minutes of him sending this notice. I told him about my family vacation and asked if it would be possible for me to miss this meeting, or if I would need to miss the trip in order to retain this TA position. His response was lovely: he fired me. He had hired too many TAs so my inquiry gave him the perfect excuse to solve his own problem. He gave me no choice, no option to forgo the vacation and keep this job I so badly wanted. He simply gave my lab to another TA and proceeded to cancel my hiring process (which I drove my social security card down from SLC at last minute - an over two hour trip for, upon his insistence). 

Okay, one jerk professor shouldn't sour a person on their whole academic experience. But I think this is rather representative of my entire BYU experience: too many students for professors to care about an individual and enough pride and self righteousness to put the pharisees to shame... But whatever, he can continue being a 5'4" social science professor making comparatively less money than professors at other secular universities, I'll be tanning on the beaches of Belize. Take that.

Enough anger... Some Happy things:

1) We drove up the day after Christmas and were able to spend a night at Dan's parent's house and see Ann (Dan's grandmother) and Saki (Dan's brother Chris' platonic Japanese friend). When taking a group photo with a funny face, I opted for the "shy Asian tourist look," which, in retrospect, was very culturally intensive.

2) Not to brag, well actually totally to brag, I got 4.0 this semester. Take that evil BYU.

3) We are leaving to paradise, out of the SLC smog and cold. HUZZAH!

Thank You for making it to the end of this rant. I hope that even if you choose to like BYU we can still be friends. But seriously, stop liking BYU. Now.

TRADITION!

If Christmas means one thing to us Bensons its tradition. I love it, I know every year I can count on the same awesomeness that I have been experiencing for 23 years now. Dan... he's overwhelmed by it. "We're watching ANOTHER version of A Christmas Carol? AGAIN?" Why yes, its TRADITION.

1) Christmas Caramel Corn Wreath making. 

A 20 year strong Benson family tradition. It is quite the event, everyone has their task (some jobs are more dangerous than others). This year we turned out 30 wreaths, and I only ate 5 of them.

2) Candy House Making

the "winning" house
Anna and Grandpa took this way too seriously. They may have won the "Best House Award" determined by secret ballot on Christmas Day, but it had about the same legitimacy as an Egyptian Parliamentary election. Serious ballot box stuffing going on.

3)A Chili Christmas Eve Dinner

Which has come to include other soup varieties upon the discovery that no one actually likes Chili.

4) Opening Presents, One at a Time, Oldest to Youngest

No Dan, no opening them on Christmas Eve! And not out of turn either!

5) Family Christmas Dinner. On the fancy China.

This year we did mix things up a bit, we had Christmas Steak - Dan was the grill master. And there was the cool addition of Christmas Crowns that came out the Christmas crackers that Uncle Tom smuggled over with him from the UK. 

And because no gathering of Benson brothers is complete without explosives, there was Christmas Potato launching, courtesy of the Brent Benson hand built potato guns. 

Which of course was followed a good Christmas hair singe.  But it's okay because...

It's Tradition! 

Coping Mechanism of Choice, Finals Week Style

I have a bit of a problem. Dare I say, an addiction. It began innocently many years ago, just an occasional hit here or there. But the stress of college and the all nighters got to me. It became a daily occurrence. 

the face of addiction isn't pretty.

My name is Lauren, and I am addicted to Diet Coke.

I recently realized that it had escalated out of control when I found myself getting shakey because I'd ONLY had two cans that day. Yes, I was drinking at least 4+ cans each day. I mean, you have to have your "eye opener" at 5 am, then your breakfast coke.... You know. So I quit. Cold turkey. With none at the house and the unavailability of anything that makes life worth living at BYU, I was not faced with temptation. Sure the headaches and tremors were annoying, but I got through it.

But then finals comes along... You find yourself staying up all night, memorizing regression formulas and calculating standard deviations and memorizing useless terms and then...and then you snap.
I NEED A COKE.
Enter the friendly neighborhood 7-11, a mere five minute walk from my residence. 

What a wonderful place. I discovered that if you mix Diet Coke with a bit of sugar-free limeade it is transformed from a delightful calorie free treat into THE NECTAR OF THE GODS!!! I also discovered that if you bring back your same big gulp cup, a refill is a mere 89 cents. 89 cents for a liter of liquid gold!!!

So basically, you can now find me everyday refilling my super big gulp and forking over 89 cents to my new friend Randy at 7-11. Facing addiction Head On? Mass Fail. But it could totally be worse. I could be into hard drugs. And I hear that heroin sets you back way more than 89 cents. I'll have to check it out. Pretty sure a lot of my friends at 7-11 would know. It is the west side after all. 

Redacted Christmas Threats

You may remember a certain diatribe I wrote last year about a certain dilapidated wal-mart artificial tree that I had carted around and put up for 5 years. You may remember that I emphatically stated that this TREE WOULD GO ON NO MORE. Well, I lied. When we were moving from Monterey, Dan went to heft the wal-mart tree into the trash and I totally had a "Solomon slicing the baby in half moment." No, wait! Don't kill it! It is my tree! But if I can't have it, at least give it unto the Salvation Army. Well, I doubt the Salvation Army would have accepted it, so, welcome GHETTO TREE YEAR 6. Ha.

Also helping us get in the holiday spirit: Mandatory Fun! This year  Dan's Army Christmas Party (which we are required to attend, they take roll) was held at Tucanos. Tucanos being a Brazilian Grill where the waiters walk around with giant platters of all types of undercooked meat that they shave off onto your plate. Basically, my worst nightmare. It was just as all Army functions are: uncomfortable and not fun. I did however enjoy when I won the raffle and got, wait for it, A GIFT CARD TO TUCANOS. I can now experience the horror all over again :)

in order to truly get jazzed about the happiest time of the year, i've created 

LO'S CHRISTMAS BUCKET LIST:

Go to Temple Square 

(Yes it is only a 4 minute walk from our front door, but its like really really cold outside, so we've avoided it).

Bake a million treats 

(literally, a million. give a couple to neighbors)

{this is totally unrelated, i just enjoy a good inappropriate elf on the shelf}

Do a good deed

(sub for santa, or angel tree, or volunteer or something)

Watch Christmas Movies

(elf, its a wonderful life, and scrooged being my favorites)

I will get started on this list. Right after I try to survive finals.

( I'm pretending that I took pictures and documented my trip to STG and thanksgiving. They happened, they were lovely, but I sucked at picture taking).