A Series of Short Letters

Dear Logan City Councilmen,

    I write as a singular canine citizen of Logan, but I believe my sentiments would be echoed among all the dog inhabitants of Cache County and their caretakers. My parents and I moved here in pursuit of education, and a better life, for all of us. Instead we have faced persecution on every side. One simple question: Why do you hate dogs? Coming for the dog loving metropolises of Monterey and Salt Lake City, my mom never dreamed there was such a place where dogs were forbidden, even on leash, from stepping foot – or paw - in every single park, baseball field, farmer’s market…etc in the ENTIRE TOWN. There is absolutely nowhere they can take me to play. As for where to source my beloved treats and toys, they have been relegated to the paltry Wal-Mart “Pet Aisle” (alas, there is not even a target in this “city.”)

     A final complaint: my mother was livid the other day when she received her first electric bill from the lovely ‘CITY OF LOGAN’. $125?!?! For a basement apartment in the summer with no A/C? Even in the dead of winter in a drafty 19^th century house, our bill in SLC was $75. Clearly there must have been a mistake. But noooo, its right. Logan charges “access fees” for everything. Access to what? Access to non-existent dog parks? Access to non-existent paved running paths? This isn’t the last you’ll hear from me.

         Sincerely,

              Otto

 (instead of stuttering, I could have discussed this wonderful inter-cultural experience, but I am inept on the phone)

Dear Teach For America Interviewer,

   I’m really sorry about our awkward phone interview yesterday. Really, its my fault not yours. Truly, if we could of done this any other way, via email, text, or even in person, I’m sure I could have wowed you. I am actually a fairly articulate and intelligent human being, though I’m guessing that was less than obviously by the number of stutters and “Ummm, well…” I used in our conversation. Something about the phone just makes me nervous and retarded. I’m sure my chances are gone, just wanted to let you know I’m sorry.

     Sincerely,

      Lauren

Dear Eight Year Old Dan,

   Don’t worry, all your semi automatic Nerf gun dreams do come true. In twenty years from now.

                From Future Dan

 {having a renewed appreciation for beauty after our near death experience, I stopped to take this picture after we made it to the part of the canyon that actually connects with the river walk trail and doesn't offer swift and certain death.}

Dear Guardian Angel,

   Thank you so much for saving Anna and I’s lives the other day. Totally my bad. Made the rookie mistake of running down a random canyon without doing any prior research. Turns out that the shoulder of the road disappears for a couple miles, precisely at the time there is a great number of blind hairpin turns. That close call with the SUV really woke us up and made us drop our pace below an 8 minute mile. Thanks for making sure we didn’t come across the three semi trucks in a row till the road shoulder reappeared. Without your help, we’d be lying next to the mangled raccoon road kill – no joke. I promise not to do that again.

    Thanks,

            Lauren

Dear Pinterest,

   Just wanted to thank you for making DIY projects which are in fact far above my abilities seem accessible. I spent way too many hours and way too many coats of paint thanks to you and your amazing looking finished products. No one mentioned that the IKEA Rast looks like this when you open the box:

 {chocolate lab chewing on the pieces does not come standard}

Admittedly my end result could have been worse, but I don’t think Pottery Barn will be coming calling for my secrets any time soon.

Cheers,

    Lauren