A Series of Short Letters

Dear Logan City Councilmen,

    I write as a singular canine citizen of Logan, but I believe my sentiments would be echoed among all the dog inhabitants of Cache County and their caretakers. My parents and I moved here in pursuit of education, and a better life, for all of us. Instead we have faced persecution on every side. One simple question: Why do you hate dogs? Coming for the dog loving metropolises of Monterey and Salt Lake City, my mom never dreamed there was such a place where dogs were forbidden, even on leash, from stepping foot – or paw - in every single park, baseball field, farmer’s market…etc in the ENTIRE TOWN. There is absolutely nowhere they can take me to play. As for where to source my beloved treats and toys, they have been relegated to the paltry Wal-Mart “Pet Aisle” (alas, there is not even a target in this “city.”)

     A final complaint: my mother was livid the other day when she received her first electric bill from the lovely ‘CITY OF LOGAN’. $125?!?! For a basement apartment in the summer with no A/C? Even in the dead of winter in a drafty 19^th century house, our bill in SLC was $75. Clearly there must have been a mistake. But noooo, its right. Logan charges “access fees” for everything. Access to what? Access to non-existent dog parks? Access to non-existent paved running paths? This isn’t the last you’ll hear from me.

         Sincerely,

              Otto

 (instead of stuttering, I could have discussed this wonderful inter-cultural experience, but I am inept on the phone)

Dear Teach For America Interviewer,

   I’m really sorry about our awkward phone interview yesterday. Really, its my fault not yours. Truly, if we could of done this any other way, via email, text, or even in person, I’m sure I could have wowed you. I am actually a fairly articulate and intelligent human being, though I’m guessing that was less than obviously by the number of stutters and “Ummm, well…” I used in our conversation. Something about the phone just makes me nervous and retarded. I’m sure my chances are gone, just wanted to let you know I’m sorry.

     Sincerely,

      Lauren

Dear Eight Year Old Dan,

   Don’t worry, all your semi automatic Nerf gun dreams do come true. In twenty years from now.

                From Future Dan

 {having a renewed appreciation for beauty after our near death experience, I stopped to take this picture after we made it to the part of the canyon that actually connects with the river walk trail and doesn't offer swift and certain death.}

Dear Guardian Angel,

   Thank you so much for saving Anna and I’s lives the other day. Totally my bad. Made the rookie mistake of running down a random canyon without doing any prior research. Turns out that the shoulder of the road disappears for a couple miles, precisely at the time there is a great number of blind hairpin turns. That close call with the SUV really woke us up and made us drop our pace below an 8 minute mile. Thanks for making sure we didn’t come across the three semi trucks in a row till the road shoulder reappeared. Without your help, we’d be lying next to the mangled raccoon road kill – no joke. I promise not to do that again.

    Thanks,

            Lauren

Dear Pinterest,

   Just wanted to thank you for making DIY projects which are in fact far above my abilities seem accessible. I spent way too many hours and way too many coats of paint thanks to you and your amazing looking finished products. No one mentioned that the IKEA Rast looks like this when you open the box:

 {chocolate lab chewing on the pieces does not come standard}

Admittedly my end result could have been worse, but I don’t think Pottery Barn will be coming calling for my secrets any time soon.

Cheers,

    Lauren

The Time We Got Policemanned

Want to hear a funny story? Dan and I, you know, the ones who take our puppy to preschool, spend all of our money on dog toys and treats (even special ordering elk antler chew toys from minnesota), and come home early from date night because we feel bad leaving Otto at home alone - are being investigated for animal abuse. I know.

 Here's what happened: 

Dan and I were out doing yard work and Otto was hanging out with us. We were just finishing up sweeping up clippings when our neighbor's two year old came running by our driveway. Otto loves playing with our niece and nephew, so he ran after the little neighbor boy in hopes he would play with him like they do. Otto is huge now but is still a toddler himself and doesn't always act appropriately... ie knocking down little kids and jumping on them because he's so excited. So Dan and I run after Otto to bring him back to our house, but he's so excited he won't listen or come back. He jumps on the little guy and I'm afraid he's going to accidently hurt him so I grab his collar and pull him away, but I loose my grip on him as he's full on lunging his 35 pounds away and he goes after the little kid again. So Dan hurriedly sprints after him, grabs his collar again and jerks him away into our yard. It must have scared Otto because he begins to scream. He really does this weird screaming thing when he's scared (its happened before when he's gotten stung by a bee and the time he fell out of the Sequoia). He wasn't hurt - Dan didn't hit him or anything - but he wouldn't calm down. Right then this crazy hippy lady from up the street comes by on her bike- wearing a reflective vest in the middle of the day I might add - and starts yelling at us how she's "going to call the police!!!" "You're abusing your dog!!!" "You people are so terrible!!!" I was so mad that I started yelling back at her. She didn't even see what happened! Are you kidding me? We're supposed to let our dog possibly injure a child? No way jose! He's a dog! And he wasn't even hurt! Whatever. Otto chilled out in about 30 seconds and we all went inside. We gave Otto a jerky treat, I listened to some Sufjan Stevens, and we were all mellowed out. Well an hour later when Dan and I are about to leave for a belated anniversary dinner date the cops show up at our door. Seriously. The lady filled a report of abuse claiming that Dan hit the dog repeatedly with a broom (umm the broom was still laying in our driveway, it never even came into the neighbors yard). Don't worry, the cops thought she was crazy too, and the neighbors who actually saw what happended corroborated our story. But still we had to fill out a report and now animal services will be checking up on us to make sure were fit dog owners. 

And that concludes "The Time We got Policemanned."*

*(My mom used to threaten us that the police man would pull us over if we didn't wear our seat belts. Anna somehow turned this threat into a verb, "You'll get policemanned!"

#hashtags 2

#backfromasia

At long last, Dan is back from his one month stint in Korea. Of course, upon return, we found ourselves at Pizza Hut at 10pm, doing happy dances. Kimichi Free. My little sister and her friend decorated our concrete outdoor wall - not sure how accurate the Korean is...

#uselesscollegedegreegettingmenowhere

After much work on my resume design, I am still no closer to being a contributing member of society. There are seriously no jobs in Logan. None. I really don't want to end up back at Applebee's. Actually I can't. When I quit, I was warned: "If you quit now, YOU CAN NEVER COME BACK!" I hope that wasn't an empty promise.

#hedestroyseverything

This is Mr. Piggy, proudly ridding atop my Costco groceries. I was looking at him at Costco, and a lady came up to me and said, "Those are great! I have a rottweiler and he loves his, the are really tough." The tag touted him as "indestructible". So I thought I'd give it a go. 

He lasted all of 5 minutes before being disemboweled. 

Its a good thing I love you Otto, because you're kind of a terrorist. 

#ireallymissmyfamily

{eating Aggie Ice Cream}

{paddleboating around bear lake, well more like around the dock of bear lake. Otto wasn't a fan, but put up with it because I promised him some of my raspberry shake...}

{brigham city temple - not dressing up - pretending to be non-members}

{my dad cut these for me on the way home from bear lake - I love them}

This weekend my family came up to visit and because it was the same weekend as the USU/Utah football game, Lotoja, and Peach days - there were no hotel rooms to be found. Meaning they had to stay at Dan and I's apartment - which I quite preferred. I would be with them every second of the day, if possible. We went to the Pet Fair, Brigham City Temple, Bear Lake, and countless other mini adventures. Otto and I both shed tears when they were gone (my Dad lavishes more attention on the little dog than anyone else). 

Another One?

I'm not really sure what happened this summer, but I ended up running an inordinate amount of Half Marathons. Someone mentions a race, the thought of medals and chocolate milk comes into play, and the next thing I know I'm signed up for six races this season... Ridiculous, I know. But the only race I've done this year that I would do again is the one Anna and I did this weekend:

TOP OF UTAH 1/2

The night before the race, Anna and I debated whether we should bring sweatshirts - I didn't think we'd need them. But Anna, in her infinite wisdom and non-existent body fat, urged that we throw in some warm stuff - just in case. OH. MY. GOSH. It was soooo cold. Seriously, Logan in August is freezing (can't wait for winter to roll around!)

This is what freezing looks like. Its not cute!

And then we were off! Flattering pictures ensued as we proceeded down Logan Canyon. This race was awesome. The course was gentle downhill (read: not deathly downhill like Parowan), it was scenic, and there was a nice light tailwind - like angel wings pushing you along... Well maybe thats too far, but seriously, it was nice. Also nice was that Anna has been sick most the summer so I could actually keep up with her for awhile before she took off. 

The pressure was on to finish in under two hours, being that Anna had a freshman orientation to get to. Luckily we both crossed with time to spare - though I really wanted to break 1:50, I finished in 1:51, with Anna coming in at 1:49. 

The Moose medals were the real catalyst for getting us to sign up for this race. I'm a sucker for anything with a moose on it. Perhaps the most memorable element of this race will forever be what ensued afterword...After getting Anna up to USU, I headed home to find this:

Otto had broken through the baby gate (not that my shoddy assembling craftsmanship had anything to do with that....) and basically wrecked havoc on the house for 4 hours. I mean, I was almost impressed, he must have managed his time wisely. He was able to shred an entire roll of toilet paper, strew the contents of the bathroom garbage around, take shoes and dirty laundry out of our closet and deposit them in random places, pee on my egyptian tapestries!, and eat an entire stick of body glide:

Don't worry, poison control assured me he'd be fine. 

But back to the happy stuff...Later that evening I got a call that from a florist trying to deliver to my house. Getting flowers stresses me out - they die so quickly and they're ridiculously expensive (I mean I'd rather have a lulu tank than a bouquet of roses!). I was so excited to see that they weren't actually short lived flowers, but that my Mom and Dad had sent us congratulatory potted plants! 

Overall, I'd recommend the Top of Utah to anyone as an awesome race. But I'd also recommend securing your destructive puppy before you go. Just a tip.

They grow up so fast...

Its hard sending your baby off to school.

I was a fairly nervous new parent today as Otto and I walked into his first day at puppy preschool,  though he kept it together and exuded limitless confidence in his jazzy new control harness - I was a bit of a wreck. I was unsure of how things would play out: how will he handle having to sit still and learn, will the other kids will be nice to him, will his teacher will appreciate what a perfect little guy he is? 

Turns out Otto is kind of every puppy parent's worst nightmare: 

The only kid in class barking while the teacher is talking. 

Relentlessly bullying the tiny maltese next to us. 

Being easily distracted by the admittedly cute female chocolate lab in class, Kona. 

Dare I say, the most behaviorally challenged kid in class.

Not that I myself was excelling at puppy preschool - I dropped his whole treat bag during the first exercise - free for all! Good thing we have 8 more weeks to get this down, progress must be made... For both of us. 

Otto was able to start obedience classes this week because he turned the big 3 months. Time flies. So in honor of the little guy's every growing list of milestones, may I present:

{Otto Facts at 3 Months Old}

He is a biter. 
Seriously, my arms look like I have a pet piranha. As he's gotten bigger, and his fangs sharper, skin has been broken. I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, and he's so dang cute, but seriously - the biting has gotta go Otto!

He is a chewer.
He shreds anything he can get his paws on. Including an ethernet cord, vital to the installation process, 5 minutes before the comcast guy shows up to do our internet, after waiting 1.5wks for this appointment....Thanks little dog!

{in more irreverent circles, this picture is entitled "Jesus and the Lab}

He's kinda wussy.
For a lab he sure doesn't like running, hiking or the water. So we took him on an activity that encapsulated all of his hates: hiking to dog lake.

His given name is in fact Otto Von Bismarck. 
However, he is called by various people at various times: little bear, otter pop, otto bot, little dog, and pooch. He comes to all names about equally, in that he doesn't come to any of them.

This Otto's bed, aka where expensive toys go to die.
Seriously, I've tried every toy known to man, read every amazon review promising a "bite proof" toy. Nope, my 20 lb. lab shreds any and everything. Including this blue ball - which was toted as "indestructible."

He still doesn't sleep through the night. 
I get to take him out to potty at about 3am every night. In the dark, in my nightgown, with a headlamp on. Its pretty sweet.

I think by this point you must be saying to yourself one of the following things:

A) This girl needs a job/a life/ a hobby

B) There is an unhealthy amount of dog obsession going on here

C) The line between pet and surrogate child is getting awfully blurry, and its scary

D) All of the Above*

* this is the correct answer

FOUR

FOUR

- The number of years Dan and I have been married (year one here, and two, and three) 

- The number of places we've lived since we've been married (Provo, Monterey, SLC, Logan)

- Two of Four - the number of anniversaries we've spent in the same country (Dan is in Korea!)

Stats aside, I thought I'd take the time to do my yearly anniversary write up and record the wise knowledge I've gained on the institution of marriage... Or something like that. Recently I was sitting in a married student ward, and I looked around and saw something that initially repulsed me: newlyweds. You know, the ones who just got married this summer, who just had their one month anniversary. The ones that can't keep their hands off each other (even in sacrament meeting), the ones that seem so happy, so down right giddy about life. They made me sick. 

Then I realized, perhaps they were just making me jealous. Being married for four years in no way means were hardened marriage vetrans, but I saw in these young couples this glee about everything being so new and exciting. Though we can't necessarily make everything new again, we can still certainly make life together exciting! Right? 

I came across a blog a while ago, fittingly titled A blog about love. One post in particular "The Best tips I can give you for a REALLY, REALLY, Great Marriage" stood out to me. In some ways her list mirrored another I had read a few months back on the Huffington Post, "15 ways to stay married for 15 years." Maybe for some people it is just effortless and organic to stay blissful newlyweds forever. But I think for most of us, it takes some concerted effort. I think especially as the years go by, the more and more comfortable you get, the easier it is to become complacent and not prioritize improving your relationship. The above articles really helped me, and I can definitely feel more of the "giddy newlywed spark" when I make an effort do some of the suggestions on the list. Like when I do something special (make a nice dinner and actually set the table, or plan a fun date), be on my best behavior (ie talk nicely and watch my tone), and say thank you for everything he does (even the little things)! Even though Dan is off with Army today, he still managed to put forth a newlywed like effort to make things special:

Thank you Dan! And delivery boys, Chris and Denise. It was a sweet gesture that made my day.

And may I end with one non-sequitur gem from the Huffington post article, one which those little newlyweds in the student ward should really be told:

1. Go to bed mad. 

The old maxim that you shouldn't go to bed mad is stupid. Sometimes you need to just go to freakin' bed. "Let not the sun go down upon your wrath" is prefaced in the Bible by the phrase "Be angry and sin not." So, who's to say it doesn't mean "Stay angry, b*tches. Don't let the sun go down on that awesome fierce wrath of yours." Seriously. Whoever interpreted this to mean that you should stay up after midnight, tear-stained and petulant, trying to iron out some kind of overtired and breathy accord -- was stupid. Shut up, go to bed, let your husband get some sleep. In the morning, eat some pancakes. Everything will seem better, I swear.

Happy 4th Anniversary Dan! 

Here's to many more years of keeping the newlywed spirit alive.

And to sometimes just going to bed and waking up to a better pancake filled morning. 

#hashtag

Dan and I are little behind the technology curve. Though most fifth graders have had them for years at this point, we just got iphones. Like last month. I've wanted one forever, and at long last my dreams came true! Honestly, its been everything I hoped for and more. One new element I've come across in the iphone world is the hashtag. Per google, 

"Hashtag: A tag embedded in a message posted on the Twitter microblogging service, consisting of a word within the message prefixed with a hash sign." 

I don't have twitter. But I still use hashtags, albeit inappropriately. I text them, and even talk in them. So in honor of keeping up my tradition of flagrant misuse of the hashtag, may I present a blog recap of recent events, as recorded on my beloved phone, and defiled with hashtags:

#rainestraceever

{its hard being this photogenic, it really is}

{only picture i took: this one of pete at an awesome photo-op on the way home}

A really long time ago, my friend Sue told me she was running the Bryce Canyon Half, and encouraged Bonni and I to join her.  Being that I never pass up the opportunity to pay money to be tortured for around two hours, I was in. With the craziness of the summer, the race crept up on me. Luckily Bonni was far more organized and arranged for us to crash with her sister who rented a cabin in Cannonville. It turned out to be a lot of fun (don't know why I didn't take pictures?), despite the fact that it rained like crazy, the last mile was a downpour. 

#ilovestgeorge

One of the best parts of this summer was that i've spent so much of it in the STG:

Celebrating Katheryn's (aka the HoneyBadger's) 15th Birthday. She is rad. And really good at soccer.

Running errands (usually for more dog treats), going for doggie runs, and going to Parowan with my favorite Dad. 

Meeting Sue and McCoy for lunch at the Pasta Factory. How cute is he?

Taking Copper and Otto to the Splash pad with Katheryn. 

Getting to see/run with/ Zumba with/ shop with Brandalee!

#seeyouin18months

{note: I was very sick at the time of this picture. i decided to overcompensate by smiling so big, its ridiculous}

Dan's little sister, Jill, is off to the Denver North Mission. So before she left on her big adventure, we got one last family photo and spent some quality family time. 

Celebrating Miss Molly's 3rd Birthday

And playing with Charlie!

#i'mnotgreatattakingpictures

A lot of other really great memorable things happened, of which I have no pictures. But thanks to my trusty phone, times are changing. Soon, this will be me: